All my life I've had these sharp, protruding hip bones that have kept me from doing things like going down a slide on my stomach or doing the worm. One time I was involved in a roadshow with the other youth in my church where we performed a dance to "Larger Than Life" by the Backstreet Boys. I had to do the worm with my friend at one point and I literally ended up with bloody hips when it was over. Lesson learned.
So now my hips have disappeared until further notice and I'm beginning to experience the curious sensation of being wider front-to-back than I am side-to-side, which is also a first for me. Like I'll turn sideways to fit past something only to scrape my belly embarrassingly along whatever it was I was trying to avoid. Thankfully I have not yet done this to another human being, but it's only a matter of time I suppose.
Apparently this was a week of firsts for me, because I also experienced my first ER visit. So, check that one off the bucket list. (Right.) It went like this.
On Tuesday morning a friend from church came over. I noticed about halfway through our visit that my side was starting to hurt, but I didn't really think much of it because lots of things have been hurting since I've been pregnant. So she left and I ate breakfast and I noticed the pain was getting worse. It was a stabbing, constant pain on my right side and it was getting harder and harder to ignore. So I sat in the recliner and watched an episode of Gossip Girl. The pain disappeared completely after about half an hour, so I got up to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth.
That was a bad idea. The pain flared up again much faster than before and I didn't even have time to brush my bottom teeth before it became unbearable. I threw my toothbrush into the sink and limped as fast as I could to the couch. The room was spinning and I felt like either throwing up or passing out or both. I closed my eyes but even the black was spinning, if that makes sense. It was awful and it wasn't going away. I texted Christian. I worried that something was happening to the baby. I imagined losing her and I started to cry. Sadie became very concerned and would not leave my side. (I love my baby girl.)
Christian called and asked if he should come home. I said I didn't know and he suggested I call the doctor. So I did and when I chokingly explained my situation, she said she couldn't know for sure without seeing me but that she wanted to rule out appendicitis or preterm labor or anything else serious, so she wanted me to go to the emergency room and she said she would call ahead and let them know I was coming.
I called Christian back and he started heading home and my friend from church came back over to give me a ride to meet him somewhere. I was terrified. We broke a lot of laws to get to that hospital quickly.
I checked in while Christian parked the car and a little old lady pushed me to my "room" (which was really just a bed with a curtain dividing it from the other beds) in a wheelchair. It was embarrassing but hopefully I looked sick enough to warrant a ride from a woman three times my age.
When I got there I peed in a cup and stripped down to a hospital gown and they strapped me to heartbeat and contraction monitors. Then Christian got there and we waited for an hour before a doctor came. She had an accent and a really long last name and I had to pay real close attention to understand the words coming out of her mouth. But basically since I didn't have a fever and I wasn't vomiting or diarrhea-ing she was pretty sure it wasn't appendicitis. She was going to have them do blood work to confirm and she'd have someone bring me Tylenol to ease the pain.
So we waited for two hours for someone to come draw my blood. And also for a Tylenol. Did I mention I was still in agony? It was a lot of fun.
Anyway, eventually they drew my blood and my white blood cells were normal so they chalked it up to round ligament pain and sent me home. And all I got was a lousy hospital bracelet, a bruise on my inner elbow, and who knows how much in hospital fees.
(Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we went to the doctor because it's definitely better to be safe than sorry, especially during pregnancy. And I'm so thankful it turned out to be nothing. But I am really dreading that hospital bill. Drat.)